Estate Planning Conversations High-Net-Worth Families Need to Be Having

By Emily Boothroyd, JD, CFP®, CPWA®, Wealth Manager and Partner

77% of individuals with more than $1 million in household net worth have an estate plan, will, or trust. Having these documents in place is critical, but it doesn’t always mean a plan has been fully thought through or revisited as families, assets, and priorities change.

That gap usually isn’t about money; it’s about uncertainty. It tends to surface when families start thinking about liquidity: what happens if an asset that was never meant to be sold suddenly needs to be accessed. That’s often the moment tax questions move from theoretical to real. It’s also when families begin to ask harder questions about responsibility: who should have access, when support makes sense, and how to help without creating long-term dependence.

Those decisions are difficult to make in isolation. They require clear communication, both within the family and with the advisors involved. In my experience, this is why the same three topics keep coming up: taxes, responsibility, and communication. Each one influences the others, and ignoring any single piece can create unintended consequences elsewhere.

Taxes: Often the First Pressure Point

Taxes are usually the most visible concern, particularly for families who have held investments for a long time. I work with many clients who own highly appreciated positions with very little cost basis, stocks they’ve held for decades and never expected to sell.

The challenge is that life doesn’t always follow that plan. People are living longer than they once expected. Healthcare and assisted living costs can be significant. Families may want to help children or grandchildren sooner than anticipated. To create liquidity, they sometimes have to sell positions they assumed would receive a step-up in basis later.

Nationally, the median annual cost of a semi-private nursing home room has risen to more than $111,000, with private rooms exceeding $127,000 per year. Expenses like these can force tax decisions earlier than families ever planned for.

That’s why income tax planning doesn’t disappear just because estate tax exemptions are high. The need for liquidity, and the tax impact that comes with it, often becomes a central part of planning during a client’s lifetime.

Responsibility: Passing on Wealth Without Enabling

While taxes tend to lead the conversation, responsibility is often the deeper concern. Many parents and grandparents want to pass along wealth in a way that reflects the effort it took to build it, without overwhelming or enabling the next generation.

I spend a lot of time talking with clients about how to strike that balance. They want their children to be empowered, not burdened. Informed, but not anxious. Supported, but still accountable for their own decisions.

This is where estate planning becomes more than documents. The way assets are structured, the flexibility given to trustees, and the expectations set during a client’s lifetime all play a role in how responsibility is passed on.

Communication: Bringing the Next Generation into the Picture

For most families, the question isn’t when to talk to their children about money; it’s how. The goal is rarely to share numbers. It’s to help the next generation understand responsibility, expectations, and the role money plays in their lives.

Those conversations don’t need to happen all at once, and they don’t need to be formal. For some families, it starts with a discussion about saving from a first paycheck. For others, it means explaining that a gift from parents is intended to support long-term planning, not short-term spending. Over time, those smaller, practical conversations tend to be far more effective than a single sit-down about “the family’s wealth.”

Clear communication also helps prevent misunderstandings later. When expectations are discussed early and revisited over time, children are better prepared to step into responsibility rather than being surprised by it.

Keeping the Plan Current

Life rarely stays still, and neither should a financial or estate plan. I generally encourage families to review their documents once a year and to check in with their attorney or advisor whenever something meaningful changes — a new job, a marriage, a health issue, or a shift in family dynamics.

As those changes happen, the balance between taxes, responsibility, and communication often shifts as well. Small updates made along the way often prevent much bigger problems down the road.

A Simple First Step

If there’s one place to start, it’s with a conversation you’ve been putting off. That might be about who should serve as trustee, how you want to help your children financially, or what you would want to happen if your own circumstances changed.

Those conversations tend to clarify priorities before decisions have to be made under pressure, and they often shape everything else that follows.

If you’d like help connecting your estate planning strategy with your broader financial plan, Merit Financial Advisors offers complimentary consultations to help bring clarity and structure to your financial life. Let’s start the conversation today.