Why Is It So Hard For the Non-Breadwinner to Get Divorced? The System Is Broken
Written by: Hollis Hardiman, CDFA™ Wealth Manager | Partner
Let’s talk about something that doesn’t get enough attention: the financial hurdles many non-breadwinners face when trying to get divorced. It’s frustrating, it’s unfair, and honestly, it’s a broken system. As a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), I’ve seen this play out time and time again, and it’s clear that the system is stacked against the non-breadwinner in more ways than one.
The High Cost of Divorce
Divorce is undeniably expensive, but what is less frequently discussed is how this cost disproportionately affects non-breadwinners. In many cases, family assets are held in the breadwinner’s name, whether in retirement accounts, investment portfolios, or basic savings. This often leaves the non-breadwinner with limited access to the funds necessary to initiate a divorce.
To complicate matters further, breadwinners may have access to legal assistance through employer benefits—sometimes even free or at significantly reduced rates. In contrast, the non-breadwinner is left to cover attorney fees, consultations, and court costs out of pocket. For those already in a financially vulnerable position, these expenses can present an almost insurmountable barrier.
Legal Costs and Asset Division
Even when non-breadwinners manage to cover these initial costs and proceed with divorce, there is no guarantee that legal fees will be equitably divided. Contrary to what many assume, there is no automatic rule that legal costs must be deducted before the division of assets. In fact, these expenses are often not considered until after the assets have been divided, leaving the non-breadwinner to bear a disproportionate financial burden.
This leaves the non-breadwinner in an especially precarious position—having paid for divorce-related costs out of pocket while striving for a fair distribution of assets. This unequal footing often results in a financially unstable outcome, even after the assets are supposedly equitably divided.
A System Built on Inequality
The inherent power imbalance in many marriages only exacerbates these issues. The breadwinner, with higher earnings, often has better access to legal and financial resources, including advisors to guide them through the process. On the other hand, the non-breadwinner may lack a complete understanding of the couple’s finances because they were not involved in managing them. This disparity is not accidental; it reflects a systemic bias that favors those in financial control, who are usually the breadwinners.
What Can Be Done?
The first step is awareness. Non-breadwinners must understand their financial rights before and during divorce proceedings. Anyone considering divorce should begin gathering financial information as early as possible to better understand their situation and available resources. Knowledge is power, and being informed can help level the playing field.
However, individual preparation alone will not solve the larger systemic problem. The divorce process needs to be reformed to ensure fairness, rather than exacerbate existing financial disparities. Until these changes are made, non-breadwinners—often women—will continue to face undue financial challenges in divorce.
The current system is flawed, but by increasing awareness and pushing for reform, we can work toward a more equitable future where divorce is not an insurmountable financial hurdle for those without primary financial control.
Divorce is a challenging journey. Getting help from a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® can be a smart move to navigate these complexities. Contact Merit Financial Advisors today for a complimentary consultation to learn how we can help you.
Investment advice offered through Merit Financial Group, LLC, an SEC registered investment adviser.